Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
