Im at strip club and am horny
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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