Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
There r osticjed everywhere
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize