i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize