dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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