shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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