I need to stop coming to work sober
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Randomize
