i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
