Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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