Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
