I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize