soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
