you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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