pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
