he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Randomize