singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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