You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I want you more than these girls want KFC
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Randomize
