You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
