The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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