Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
