Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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