You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
