you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
