and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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