Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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