I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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