Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
