Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
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