so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
