So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
