She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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