4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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