you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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