Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
