We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
