I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize
