I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
