He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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