You're completely useless in the revolution.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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