if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
this boner is exhausting
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Randomize
