need another drink. this is the easiest way
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Randomize
