I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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