I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
