That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
