you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
