So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
