Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Someone shit on the floor
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize