In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
