i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
