and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Randomize
