Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
