I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
