take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
