you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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