I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
