I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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