what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
