You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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