He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
