i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
