Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
