She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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