I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize