he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
