I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Shame - the story of my life.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize