I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
false alarm, still single
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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