i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
