dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
