I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
