who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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