did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
