did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
