he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
