just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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