well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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