The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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