bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
