We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
