i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
the day after is always just damage control
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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