went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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