Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize