i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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