id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
