did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
two words: eviction party
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
