"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
