He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
