He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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