Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize