imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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