Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
