You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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