My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
