I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
