I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
This baby is an asshole
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Randomize
