woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
