I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
