Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
