Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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