no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
