All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
