She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
