you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
