Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
